Rites of Passage

April 2011

My body is revolting against itself. It’s disgusted. I feel like in one year my entire DNA went from normal to highly spastic with frequent bouts of forgetfulness. That is part of the reason I will be celebrating “Rites of Passage”, at *Burning Man this year.

My passage into; I’m a half single adult with three husbands under my belt, two kids, a giant dog, aspirations of stardom and I am perimenopausal.

Yes, three husbands.  Number Three Man is the father of The Boy and The Girl–we are separated and living together, raising our children and owning a business.

Number Two Man doesn’t really count.

{Vegas quicky}

Number One Man is still in my life. I like to call him TripleEx.

{We’re dating}

Oh Christ, I could write for hours on any given one of these subjects.

Let me start with the one that is haunting me at present. At this time I am writing, I am missing my appointment with The Guru as I am with the kids and Husband number three, “relaxing” in the sun. The kids are finishing up Spring Vacation Week. We’ll fly back home on Monday. Generally, I see The Guru twice a week and missing one session throws a wrench in my plan.

{That is the plan for not becoming fat dumpy average Mom}

Two weeks ago, I could not make it because I woke up in a pool of my own sweat; nauseous and shaky. This unfortunately is a part of the PM issue. A year ago I would have shaken it off pushed out fifty push-ups and walked out the door. Son of a bitch it took me fifteen minutes to make a cup of coffee with an automatic espresso machine. I fear my days of throwing on a hat and looking dreamy at Seven AM may be over!!

{An icepack on your face in the morning does wonders for puffiness}

I remember this one morning, the day after Halloween many years ago. Somewhere between, Man Number One and Man Number Two. I woke up in a strange room wearing my costume from the night before; covered in a Grandma afghan and still very drunk. I walked to work at the diner up the street. I remember what I looked like and what I was wearing. I looked good after a night at a bar, two house parties; one I had gotten thrown out off for being an ass, and a lot of booze.

I repeat, I looked good!! Fear not, my costume was intact. I had gone as myself to the Halloween Parties. My point is, I waited on fifteen tables that morning–until the night wore off and made a good living that day.

 {True, I probably didn’t smell good}

I was asleep by Ten PM last night. Yesterday, I enjoyed the Sun and ate clean. And, I don’t drink at all.  Yet, I feel like shit today. After I finish this I will go ice my face and drag my not average ass onto the dread-mill and I will warm up with mantras reminding myself that I am an athlete, I am young and powerful. I will get my time and miles in. I will do my pushups and probably some leg work, I will do what The Guru put on my list and I will fight against the truth that is my genetic makeup. Then back to the pool!

*Burning Man 2011 Trip:  Did not transpire due to a work conflict.

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