More fireworks Mom!

Thank God I am starting to settle into the summer. It’s always such a big rush to do nothing and I find myself not enjoying the journey. I’d like to smoke a joint whilst I write but the boys are playing some game on the golf cart beside me. There is a slight breeze, it’s warm and cool all at once. My daughter is at sleep away camp so it has been audibly quiet around here. I remember summer as a child being hot and long. We would say we were bored, and continue to make mud pies, play kick the can and light bottle rockets.

I was ten when I started to like the explosives. My son is six. The boy has been waking up daily to ask if I am getting more fireworks today. I have a small stash in the closet, I light a few every day. It keeps him happy.

{His dad, my number 3, thinks I’m a bit inappropriate.}

He hasn’t quite gotten used to my early parenting ideas and is having a little trouble with all the changes, although minor, that have been happening over the past couple of years.

It started when Matthew died and it broke my heart. June 29, 2009. It has been two years. I realized that the people I love are what’s most important and not what the neighbors, school moms and dummies who think they know everything think.

Important lessons are not always easy to come by. It has taken many hours of soul searching and my ego taking a heavy beating to comfortably say “it takes a village to raise a family”. My husband and I both take enormous pride in the fact that we are making our family work for all of us. We haven’t worked out all of the kinks and details but are executing our lives with a common goal. To live our lives and raise our children together so they have both of their parents. The first obstacle for us to conquer was if we could live together and be separated. It appears when we are painfully honest about our needs for space, privacy or nurture for our own friendship, it works best.

This in itself took awhile and it evolves daily. It is hard to go from, doting ‘Martha Stewart type Wife’ to, ‘Holy shit I’m almost forty and have a lot of living to do, Partner’.

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