Rat

Fucking scarey ass RAT is stalking me. Just saw it go by. Seriously, there is a brook across the street and the fuckers show up occasionally. God help me.
 
Lately, I have a feeling that something is marking my movements, a radar that measures the silliness that flutters my mind in my daily existence.

I live amongst misfits. I have surrounded myself with the fortunate and the unfortunate. The bruised and the bullied. Brilliant and simple alike. Circling me. My reality, my fears and my dreams all warped into a womblike existence. Yet, I am in love with the possibilities.
 
I have always been a very fear based person. Afraid of my own shadow. These days mostly it’s my reflection.  Throughout my life I have been afraid of the devil, ghosts, killers/stalkers, water, heights, airplanes, overdoses, drunk drivers, food, failure, success, my supernormal abilities and rodents. I could go on and on. Really it’s a bunch of horseshit.
 
I am still afraid of the dark. I don’t like it. I can’t find my way and I have never been able to kick the notion of something grabbing at my ankle. Enough to make me hop onto things. Often tripping or smashing an elbow and consequently knocking an old beverage of sorts to the floor. I like the dark at three pm with my shades pulled, sometimes. I always sleep with a flashlight or my iPad/iPhone, because one never knows when the power could go out and it is nice to see the Zombies that have taken over your living room.
 
It has recently come to my attention that most people do not think that they may accidently set things on fire with their eyes. Yes, I said it. I went through a few years with the imposing thought of being able to do shit with my mind. Like move things, or knock people over. Light things on fire. Although I know that stems back to Stephen King nonsense and my fear of horror movies.
  
Aliens are a still a big threat. As is this RAT. If you don’t acknowledge them in your mind too fiercely they will mostly leave you alone. Occasionally, I wake up with the feeling I have been visited in my sleep. Which in the normal brain, I guess would qualify as an unfinished sexual dream encounter. 
 
{Hmmph unfinished. Kinda like when I’m awake.} 
 
The Devil tortured me for years. Many many years. I wasted so much energy, time and sleep on worry about evil. I couldn’t even say the word. It scared me to the core. I am quite sure it started with Amityville Horror. Those asshole dolls and the singing girl. Freaky shit and it ruined my brain for years.

It ruined my brain because I am susceptible to suggestion. It really is the only way to get me to do anything.  For the child who is prone to suggestions and ideas, growing up as I did; nonsense shaped my fears. Marie was forever accusing me of coming down with whatever was in the latest movie. The release of Tootsie and my love of drag queens are proof.
 
{I just asked the rat what it wanted.}
 
After I get my hair done today, which has to do with the fear of looking like old white trash; I will go to my beach house and prepare for Hurricane Irene.Today I don’t have delusions of tsunamis or night terrors over being drowned. I do not have fear, I have a genuine concern for those that I love and my community as a whole. Being prepared, protecting our investment. It’s the right thing to do. 

{Next, I’ll be serving the rat peanut butter in his trap.}

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